


A Perfect Crime

by ZombieCatTookMyPudding



Series: The Johnson Conspiracy [2]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Crime, Drama, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Other, POV Third Person, Platonic Female/Male Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-07-27 20:12:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16226489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZombieCatTookMyPudding/pseuds/ZombieCatTookMyPudding
Summary: Multi-Chapter sequel to "His Favorite Girl". Desperate for his creator's approval, Norm befriends bored and lonely teenager Suzy Johnson who offers him help in winning his father's love. Little does he know that he's become one of her family's many unwitting pawns in their perfect crime...





	1. Chapter 1

A middle-aged man with a hunched back slammed the door open to his meticulously clean penthouse. With a folder full of papers to grade under one arm, he yawned from a long day at work. Running a hand through his messy, graying brown hair, all he could think about was getting the stupid paperwork over with so he could go to bed early.

"Welcome home, Dad!" A friendly, robotic voice greeted him, holding a tray of freshly-baked muffins. "I've cleaned your house and made you muffins!"

"Yeah, yeah, that's nice, Norm," the Drusselsteinian man muttered absent-mindedly. Sighing, he plopped the folder down onto the kitchen table and pulled up a chair. While the constant smile remained on the robot-man's face, he was feeling a bit disappointed. Was the work he did for his father today not good enough? Norm made a silent promise to himself to try even harder tomorrow to please his dad!

_Reminder: Parent-Teacher Conference tomorrow!_

The message covered his field of vision for 1.74 seconds.

"Remember, sir. You have that parent-teacher conference tomorrow," Norm said once it faded away.

"Sheesh, don't remind me." His creator turned towards him, looking rather irritated. "Look, you wanna make yourself useful? Go pick up my dry-cleaning, you oversized junkpile."

"Okay. Be right back!" he placed the muffins on a counter, so that they would be cooled by the time he returned.

* * *

It was a rather foggy night out. With all the humidity in the air, he wondered if it would be counter-productive to pick up his father's dry-cleaning right this moment. Still, he was the boss, and by default of his programming, he would be happy to do anything his father told him to. Norm's auditory processors picked up noises from 30.48 meters away.

"YAPYAPYAPYAP!"

"Fluffy! No! Bad dog! Get back here!" Norm calmly turned towards the source. Dogs often tried to get at him because of the squirrel that ran the power in his chest. It was no surprise to him, since this often happened at least once every time he left the penthouse. What did surprise him though, was the blonde, petite teenage girl, chasing the black poodle that had gotten off of its leash. She was dressed unusually fancy for a simple walk: she wore a sleeveless, rose-pink dress with faux diamonds at the trim of the collar, and matching high-heeled shoes, her long, curly hair flowing loose. She looked different, but he was sure he had seen her before. Searching his database, he was eventually able to match a name to the face: Suzy Johnson, resident of Danville. "Norm?" she asked, her big blue eyes looking up at him. She seemed just as stunned to see him as well.

"Hello, Suzy Johnson. Do you remember me?"

" _No_ , because it's so easy to forget you starred in a D-List sitcom with a giant robot businessman," she said as she rolled her eyes.

"Oh, well in that case, let me refresh your memory. I am Norm. But, you do seem to remember that we were in a sitcom together, despite not having any previous memory of me." Face-palming, Suzy had forgotten that as a robot, he had a difficult time understanding sarcasm. In the awkward silence, Norm looked for something to say to carry on the conversation. "I like your dress."

"Really? I hate it; it's so ugly. But, because I'm a bridesmaid, I have to wear it to make the bride look 'prettier'."

"Who's getting married?" Norm asked.

"My big brother and his stupid fiancée, Candace, are getting married a month from now. Just got back from buying the stupid thing. Only reason I'm wearing it in public is because my dog wouldn't shut up till I took her on a walk. Anyways, what's a giant robot doing out and about that his creator couldn't be bothered to do?"

"I have been ordered to pick up my dad's dry-cleaning."

"'Ordered', huh?" Picking Fluffy up, the small dog began to settle in her arms. "Well, I'll do just about anything to get away from my house for a while. Walk with me, we can talk about it on the way."

* * *

"So that's basically all you do these days? Just clean, bake, fix stuff, and pretty much whatever your creator tells you to do?" Suzy's tone of disapproval was tinged with pity.

"Well, yes. It is in my programming," Norm replied cheerily.

"Do you ever get a 'thank you'?" Suzy asked. Norm paused, carefully scanning his memory, several times.

"For some strange reason, it appears any memory of Dr. Doofenshmirtz thanking me for my work is not present. Even in cases he does not say it, I'm sure he still appreciates it, nevertheless."

"Oh, _really?"_ Suzy raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "Well, does he at least _show_ it, then?" Again, Norm scanned his memory.

"Hmm...well, typically he just comes home, takes care of paperwork and then goes to bed. Although, he does eat the dinner I make sometimes."

"And what does he say about the dinners?"

"...Nothing I can recall."

"So, let me get this straight:" she turned to him as they arrived in front of the Danville Dry Cleaners building. "You do all these things for old man Doofenshmirtz, day and night, without any thanks or reward?"

"I...I suppose so. But he is my father and I love him."

"Does he love _you?"_

"Of course! At least...I think he does."

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Listen, I better get back to my house before my parents start to worry. Feel free to talk to me if you come to your senses." Suzy begun to walk away as Norm's smile turned to a frown.

"Suzy?" The girl stopped in her tracks. "...How do I get my father to love and appreciate me?"

"Tell you what," the blonde looked over her shoulder, "why don't we meet up at the park tomorrow, and I can give you some pointers?"

"Really? You'll help me?"

"Sure. I've been looking for something to fill up my weekend."

"But tomorrow is Thursday. Don't you have school?"

"The teachers do," she smirked. "Kids don't." Norm's smile turned back around.

"Thank you, Suzy. I will see you at the park at 8:00 AM tomorrow morning."

"It's a date," she said, the sound of her heels clicking on the pavement as she left.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To avoid any confusion, this chapter is non-linear. It goes back and forth between Suzy's tips and Norm actually carrying them out.

The temperature that morning was sixty-five degrees Farenheit, and just the right amount of clouds occupied the sky: not too many to make it gloomy, but not too little that it would be too bright. Norm thought it was a shame that there weren't more people awake or outside to enjoy the nice spring weather. On the bright side, it was easier to find Suzy, who happened to be on the park bench, reading a book. She was now dressed in a much more casual outfit: a blue sweater, a short gray skirt, and a purple bow that kept her hair back.

"About time you showed up," she remarked as she noticed Norm's gigantic shadow.

"I am only fifteen seconds late."

Looking up, Suzy sharply slammed her book shut. "And that's fifteen seconds we could have spent getting you and your father closer!" 

"Oh." Norm stood there awkwardly for a moment, tapping his fingers together, unsure whether or not to apologize. "What were you reading?" he asked, hoping to change the subject.

" _How to Make Them Love You_ , by Manny Pulate. I've learned all the dirty tricks I know from this book, and now, I'm going to teach some to you."

"Great! Tell me what I need to do to win my father's approval!"

"First and foremost, does your dad have any rivals for his attention?"

"Perry the Platypus comes to visit quite a bit."

"Wait, the _Flynn-Fletcher's_ Perry?"

Norm nodded.

"Why...?" she shook her head. "Never mind, that's not important. What you need to do is try and chase him away somehow. Scare him, humiliate him, do anything you can to keep him away from Doofenshmirtz."

* * *

_DING-DONG!_

"NORM! COULD YOU GET THE DOOR?" Doofenshmirtz called from the other side.

Perry expected that, as Norm was usually closer to the door...but what he didn't expect was to find a giant white ghost with glowing blue eyes.

"O _o_ o _o_ h! Perry the P _l_ a _t_ yp _u_ s! _L_ e _a_ v _e_ this penthouse at _o_ n _c_ e! It's HAUNTED!  _O_ O _O_ O _H_!" 

Raising an eyebrow, Perry pulled the large white tarp off of Norm, and walked past him.

"Good to see you, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz greeted his animal friend. "Ready for bowling night?"

Norm frowned. "Darn it."

* * *

"It's really hard to scare Perry the Platypus, and I can't think of anything that would embarrass him."

"Hmm...that's usually my go-to...but, then again, my victims are usually wusses. When I need to, I find guilt-tripping is pretty effective a lot of the time, too."

"What is 'guilt tripping'?"

"It's when you make someone feel bad to get them to do something. In your case, I would aim for something like a 'thanks' or some appreciation for what you do if I were you. Oh! And be sure to play the innocent victim by saying things like 'I just don't know what I'm doing wrong' or 'that's okay. I'm used to the way you treat me.'"

* * *

Later that night, Norm made sure that dinner was hot and ready for Doofenshmirtz when he came home, and he had just begun a batch of pumpernickel muffins in the oven.

As if on cue, Doofenshmirtz slammed the door open, with yet another folder of papers to grade.

"Welcome home, Dad!" 

"I'm not your dad, Norm." Doofenshmirtz plopped the folder down onto the kitchen table and pulled up a chair. Noticing the pile of envelopes next to him, he pulled them closer and went through them. 

"So while you were at work, I've straightened the couch cushions, washed all the dishes, organized the kitchen cabinets, did all the laundry, cleaned out the toilet, changed out the towels, made the bed, emptied all the garbage cans and took out the trash, wiped all the windows and mirrors, swept and vacuumed the floors, and dusted the blinds, any ledges, and even the cobwebs off of the ceiling! You'd be surprised at how quickly those can form!"

"Oh my god, really?!" Doofenshmirtz exclaimed.

"Yep! It was all in a day's wo-"

"The electric, gas, and water bills are all overdue! I better call the companies now!"

"Oh...right..." Norm frowned, disappointed. "You were talking about the bills. Of course I spend the whole day working to make sure you have a nice place to live, and I get no thanks. As usual. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong!"

But Doofenshmirtz wasn't listening. He was waiting for he companies on the other side to pick up the phone.

"That's okay. I'm used to being taken for granted."

Still no response.

"...I GUESS IF HAVING A CLEAN HOUSE DOESN'T MATTER TO YOU-"

"NORM! QUIET! I'M ON THE PHONE! Go to your closet!"

* * *

"There are scientific studies that eye contact increases oxytocin, or the 'love hormone', when done between close ones. I mean, obviously you're a robot that can't produce any biological hormones, but I think you love him enough that you don't really need to. Try staring at him in the eyes for a while."

Norm was quiet for several seconds, keeping eye contact with Suzy.

The blonde rubbed her neck "I don't think it will work as well on me, since we're not that close."

"But we're friends, aren't we?" Norm asked.

"This is for more like your closest circle, like your family members."

* * *

While Doofenshmirtz was laying back on his couch, watching a rerun of _Horse in a Bookcase_ , Norm got on his knees and stared directly at him. Being a robot that didn't need to blink helped.

"...Norm?" Doofenshmirtz looked over at him.

"Yes, Father?"

"What are you doing?"

"I am making eye contact with you because I love you, and I want you to love me too!"

Norm managed to get about twenty seconds of eye contact from Doofenshmirtz, but it seemed to have no effect on his creator. 

"Ooo...kaaayy…" he said, slowly turning his attention back to the TV.

* * *

"And if that isn't enough, try physical contact. _How to Make Them Love You_ suggests holding their hand or arm, but that sounds more like attention for a love interest. Since it's directed towards a family member, I think a hug would be more appropriate. When my brother comes home from work, I like to hug him as he comes through the door." Suzy demonstrated by jumping up and wrapping her arms around Norm's neck.

"I like to hug!" Norm exclaimed happily.

"Yeah! Nice, right?" 

* * *

"Welcome home, Dad!" Norm swooped Doofenshmirtz up into a tight embrace the second he came back from his trip to the grocery store.

"GAH!" Doofenshmirtz dropped the paper bag, the fruits and vegetables rolling on the floor. "NORM! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME!"

"Yes! Crushing you with love!"

"LET GO OF ME! YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK MY SPINE!"

* * *

"Those are the strongest beginning tactics I know. If none of those work, it'd be time to bring the _master_ of manipulation into your home, and study your situation in detail."

"Fantastic! Who would that be?"

Suzy glared at him, unamused. "Me, you twit."

"Oooooh."

* * *

Long after Doofenshmirtz went to sleep, Norm looked up at the stars. He had tried everything Suzy recommended, but nothing worked. But, there was one thing left: to ask her for help. And he would do just that, as soon as she was out of school the next day.


End file.
